Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Demons and Angels, & Updates

The DEMONS:
Well...there may be a few of you out in Wally World who actually read this blog or check for new work from time to time, and might be wondering "Where the $%#* are the updates and new work?"

To make a long story short, and despite the good karma I thought I had accumulated, one of the dreadful demons has caught up with me. For those of you not aware, not too long ago I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. Apparently because mine is particularly bad, my treatments are quite limited and I undergo a radical prostatectomy in about two weeks to ensure there are other treatment options that can follow just in case the surgery is not a complete solution. Obviously this has thrown me for quite a loop to say the least. It is to be done with the DaVinci robotic machine and I daresay all the doctors,nurses, and therapists involved at this point are top notch.

I've heard it all from various people and sources and let me tell you no matter what ideas, info or sentiment is thrown at me, it is something that I have a helluva time getting in the back of my head. I've heard as much bull crap on the Cancer (if not more), as I have useful information. Further, you can bet it makes you think about EVERYTHING in your life, the past, the future, who, what, where, when and why. You question what is truly important, and what ain't. 

I thought I was "tough", and living out here "in the boonies" of Vermont with the hard physical work it takes to keep our little slice of Heaven intact has left me in just about the best shape of my life. This helps my physical prognosis greatly, IF only my head would cooperate with the rest I'd be much less apprehensive. I have a very hard time coping with the mental nervousness of the upcoming surgery, not becoming a eunuch, the "recovery", and the "what IF."

To be honest, I am frickin terrified of the surgery. My Dad died of an Aortic Embolism, and the last time I went through surgery for kidney stones a few years back I ended up in ICU. When I see, read, and hear all the things I have to do and endure for the loooong recovery, I don't feel so manly or tough anymore. I barely can get a good nights sleep right now.

SO. That's the skinny and the scoop. That's why there hasn't been any new work posted for awhile and the truth is, my favorite Leica camera is gathering a bit of dust right now. I HOPE I can get back to posting some new work in a month or two during my "recovery". I'm focused right now on getting "Green Acres" ready to be "White Acres" for our upcoming Vermont winter. I plan on giving the site a makeover, concentrating on both my car and people portrait work. Wish me luck.

As for the ANGELS: my wife, my family, and my dear friends have already been nothing short of amazing and I can only hope they can put up with me after the surgery when I truly become a Grumpy Squirrel. I ask for their forgiveness already on any potential wrath to come. It will be humbling to say the least for me, without going into the gory details. It's just great fun having to read all the damn scary info I get handed by the medical community on each visit, nor are the lightening fast medical bills that show up in the mailbox much fun on the brain.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, and DON'T vote for Gordon Gecko and Eddie Munster!

Peace, Love, and Ice Cream.